All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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