is wine microwaveable?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
