I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
