I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
