omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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