I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
