im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize