I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize