Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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