Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
