If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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