i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's shark week go big or go home
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
