I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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