12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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