I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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