What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
