there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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