i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
