i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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