we have officially lost it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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