I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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