What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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