I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
