FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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