i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
