speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
