he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
