This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
