I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
