you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my shit smells like andre
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Randomize
