eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
