Can Purell be used as lube?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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