her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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