Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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