Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
