I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
