Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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