The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
