You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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