He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you mean i was at the winter classic?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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