My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
