really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize