Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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