i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize