just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
