She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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