I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
