ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
