i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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