I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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