from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
