i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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