party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
