so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
