five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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