It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
