I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
