I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
