dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
