They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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