i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
