great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
