i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
