he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
whose parrot is this?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize