I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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