I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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