Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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