I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
