dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
