I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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